


Sir Stitches Super Sidekicks (AKA: Underhero Chat Fic)

by ZecoriTheWeirdOne



Category: Underhero (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Non-Binary Character, Non-Binary Masked Kid (Underhero), Selectively Mute Masked Kid (Underhero), add more tags later, chat fic, do not expect frequent updates djjdjeej, greg has no idea how to do tech stuff, i have no idea what i’m doing djjdjdjdkdmdk, i spent so long writing the relationship tags alone, i’m making this up as i go there is 0 plot, probably didn’t need to djsdjmdje, puzzleman doesn’t appear until the second chapter(maybe), somehow ellie can type despite having no hands
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29301732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZecoriTheWeirdOne/pseuds/ZecoriTheWeirdOne
Summary: elizabeth:hey do we have to stay heret. bur:Um.t. bur:It would be preferred if you did?t. bur:But no, I suppose you don’t have to.elizabeth:well in that caseelizabethleft the server——————————obligatory chat fic. that’s it that's the fic,
Relationships: Bella (Underhero) & Handy (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & Baron von Gregory (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & Bella (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & Cereza (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & El Salserissimo (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & Elizabeth IV (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & Everyone, Masked Kid (Underhero) & Frankie (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & Handy (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & Hero (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & Moth Queen (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & Mr. Stitches (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & Puzzleman (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & T. Bur (Underhero), Masked Kid (Underhero) & Tim and Timbolt (Underhero), Moth Queen (Underhero)/Tim and Timbolt (Underhero), Mr. Stitches (Underhero) & T. Bur (Underhero)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. chaos

**Author's Note:**

> _heyyyyy!!!! i had the urge to create a chat fic for underhero despite the fact it would make no sense!! heck yeahhh!!!!_

**_[Communications]_ **

_[2:14 PM]_

**_t. bur_ ** _invited_ **_mk_ ** _,_ **_bella_ ** _,_ **_Cereza_ ** _, and_ **_8_ ** _more people_

**t. bur:** _@everyone_

**elizabeth:** what

**elizabeth:** what is this

**bella:** Hm?

**Baron von Gregory:** Bur, why is this contraption you have me making noises.

**elizabeth:** what is this???

**elizabeth:** bur you’ve been typing for too long what is happening

**mk:** ~ヾ(・ω・)

**elizabeth:** hey kid

**Baron von Gregory:** What the.

**Baron von Gregory:** Those. Aren’t words.

**mk:** they aren’t! (⌒ω⌒)

**Cereza:** What’s this?

**elizabeth:** we’re wondering the same thing 

**elizabeth:** if bur could just _Finish Typing._

**hero:** oh!! hey guys!!! what’s going on?

**mk:** uncle t and boss told me bout this! (＾▽＾) 

**mk:** basicaly, they mad this so we can talk to each other better! since we liv so far away!＼(≧▽≦)／

**elizabeth:** oh

**elizabeth:** neat 

**t. bur:** Welcome! Sorry if this seems sudden, Stitches decided the server was ready to open to you guys, so I invited you guys here. This chat is mainly so we can communicate to each other for when we’re in our own kingdoms, since we’re far apart. 

**elizabeth:** kid beat you to it 

**t. bur:** Ah.

**t. bur:** Thank you, MK. 

**mk:** (･ω<) ~☆

**elizabeth:** why’d it take you so long to type that??

**t. bur:** It’s not necessarily easy to type with fins, you know.

**stitches:** ha

**t. bur:** And it hadn’t even been that lon

**t. bur:** Hello, Stitches.

**stitches:** heya fin boy

**mk:** hii boss!! ヾ(☆▽☆)

**stitches:** heyy, kid!

**Cereza:** Hey, guys! 

**elizabeth:** i guess this is happening

**bella:** Handy says hi!

**elizabeth:** did he not get invited? 

**bella:** Oh no, he did! He just doesn’t want to talk right now. 

**elizabeth:** fair

**elizabeth:** hey do we have to stay here

**t. bur:** Um.

**t. bur:** It would be preferred if you did? 

**t. bur:** But no, I suppose you don’t have to.

**elizabeth:** well in that case

**_elizabeth_ ** _left the server_

**mk:** ( `△´)

**_mk_ ** _invited_ **_elizabeth_ **

**_elizabeth_ ** _left the server_

**_mk_ ** _invited_ **_elizabeth_ **

**_elizabeth_ ** _left the server_

**_mk_ ** _invited_ **_elizabeth_ **

**t. bur:** Oh dear.

**_elizabeth_ ** _left the server_

**_mk_ ** _invited_ **_elizabeth_ **

**_elizabeth_ ** _left the server_

**Cereza:** uh

**_mk_ ** _invited_ **_elizabeth_ **

**Baron von Gregory:** What’s happening??

**_elizabeth_ ** _left the server_

**hero:** wh

**_mk_ ** _invited_ **_elizabeth_ **

**_elizabeth_ ** _left the server_

**Frankie:** I leave for five minutes and the server is already in shambles..

**_mk_ ** _invited_ **_elizabeth_ **

**mk:** ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ

**_elizabeth_ ** _left the server_

**mk:** hiiiii frankie~!! ヾ(*'▽'*)

**_mk_ ** _invited_ **_elizabeth_ **

**elizabeth:** hey frankie

**_elizabeth_ ** _left the server_

**t. bur:** H. How long is this gonna go on?

**_mk_ ** _invited_ **_elizabeth_ **

**_elizabeth_ ** _left the server_

**stitches:** idk but i got my popcorn out

**_mk_ ** _invited_ **_elizabeth_ **

**_elizabeth_ ** _left the server_

**Cereza:** .....it’s been five minutes since the last message.

**hero:** is it over?

**stitches:** aw man it was just getting good

**_mk_ ** _invited_ **_elizabeth_ **

**stitches:** pog round two time

**elizabeth:** i’ll stay

**stitches:** :(

**elizabeth:** on one condition

**elizabeth:** we’re changing the chat name

**elizabeth:** it’s too simple

**t. bur:** What? No. 

**stitches:** too late i already got a better idea

**t. bur:** What?? No!

**t. bur:** There’s nothing wrong with the current name. It’s professional. This is a professional server. For professional purposes. 

**elizabeth:** yeah no

**_stitches_ ** _changed server name from [Communications] to [Sir Stitches Super Sidekicks]_

**stitches:** perfect

**t. bur:** Why

**stitches:** why not

**elizabeth:** thanks i hate it

**Cereza:** ..

**hero:** i like it!

**mk:** (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b

**stitches:** see? the kids agree with me

**Cereza:** I said no such thing.

**stitches:** shhh shhh it’s okay we know deep down you do

**t. bur:** Can we get back on track?? Please???

**stitches:** no

**_stitches_ ** _changed_ **_t. bur_ ** _’s name to_ **_aaron burr_ **

**aaron burr:** **_You._**

**stitches:** welp, i lived a good life. take care of the minions for me. 

**Frankie:** Mr. Bur, please don’t kill the boss, he’s in charge of my paycheck. 

**aaron burr:** ...

**aaron burr:** You live this time. 

**aaron burr:** _This Time._

**_aaron burr_ ** _changed their name to_ **_T. Bur_ **

**mk:** o(◕ロ◕)o 

**mk:** we can change our nicknames!!!! (✧ω✧)

**_mk_ ** _changed their name to_ **_(〃＾▽＾〃)_ **

**(〃＾▽＾〃):** ＼(≧▽≦)／

**elizabeth:** this is gonna get confusing real fast

**elizabeth:** hey kid, i got a better one for you

**(〃＾▽＾〃):** ( °O°) ?

**_elizabeth_ ** _changed_ **_(〃＾▽＾〃)_ ** _’s name to Your Local Baby_

**elizabeth:** perfect

**Your Local Baby:** (O.O)

**elizabeth:** how does it feel to be baby

**Your Local Baby:** (//▽//) 

**stitches:** awwwww

**elizabeth:** i’m not done yet

 **  
T. Bur:** Wh. What do you mean

**_elizabeth_ ** _changed_ **_bella_ ** _’s name to_ **_baby 2.0_ **

**baby 2.0:** :O!!!

**_elizabeth_ ** _changed their name to_ **_Queen O’ Sass_ **

**stitches:** that’s an understatement

**Queen O’ Sass:** shut

**Queen O’ Sass:** drats, can’t change your name

**Your Local Baby:** i can!! (⁀ᗢ⁀)

**stitches:** heh, sorry kid, only the other mods can change my name 

**_Your Local Baby_ ** _changed_ **_stitches_ ** _’s name to_ **_Potato Clown (* ^ ω ^)_ **

**Potato Clown (* ^ ω ^):** h

**Potato Clown (* ^ ω ^):** _how_

**T. Bur:** ?????????

**Your Local Baby:** (ง ื▿ ื)ว

**Queen O’ Sass:** kid

**Queen O’ Sass:** kid i don’t know how you did that but i love you for it

**Your Local Baby:** (･ω<) ~☆

**Potato Clown (* ^ ω ^):** _no seriously h o w_

**Queen O’ Sass:** aight who’s next

**Queen O’ Sass:** don’t think you’re safe just cuz you’re silent

**_Queen O’ Sass_ ** _changed_ **_Cereza_ ** _’s name to_ **_Princess of Sass_ **

**Princess of Sass:** _Oh crap-_

**Princess of Sass:** Oh actually this isn’t too bad. 

**Queen O’ Sass:** alright my creative juices have been depleted

**_hero_ ** _changed their name to_ **_some guy_ **

**some guy:** heck yeah funny nickname time!

**Your Local Baby:** yeaaa!!! ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ

**_Potato Clown (* ^ ω ^)_ ** _changed their name to_ **_Best King Ever_ **

**Queen O’ Sass:** do you take constructive criticism 

**Best King Ever:** no

**Baron von Gregory:** How are you guys doing that??

**Queen O’ Sass:** you mean. changing our names?

**Baron von Gregory:** Yeah

**Baron von Gregory:** I have no idea how this device works

**Queen O’ Sass:** haha old

**Baron von Gregory:** Wh

**Princess of Sass:** haha old

**Baron von Gregory:** Age isn’t the issue here??!

**Your Local Baby:** haha old ┐(︶▽︶)┌

**Baron von Gregory:** Stop??!?!?!

**Best King Ever:** haha old

**Baron von Gregory:** _YOU’RE OLDER THAN ME?!?!?!?!?!?_

**_Best King Ever_ ** _changed_ **_Baron von Gregory_ ** _’s name to_ **_haha old_ **

**haha old:** H

**haha old:** How do I change this

**Queen O’ Sass:** everyone laugh at the old man

**haha old:** please no

**Princess of Sass:** I’d love to, but I gotta go to a meeting now, parents will kill me if I skipped it. 

**Your Local Baby:** awwww (╥﹏╥)

**Princess of Sass:** I’ll be back later! Cya guys!

**some guy:** o/

**Your Local Baby:** ヾ(*'▽'*)

**Queen O’ Sass:** bye!

**haha old:** I also have to go. For.. Reasons. 

**baby 2.0:** Greg’s planning on asking the Ghosties if they know how to change his name. 

**haha old:** _bella._

**baby 2.0:** Oh uh. Hey would you look at the time looks like me and Handy gotta go now too byee

**Best King Ever:** they’re dropping like flies

**Your Local Baby:** me and ellie are gonna go get some coffee!! (☆▽☆)

**Queen O’ Sass:** more like the kids dragging me there

**Your Local Baby:** shhhhhh (¬ω ¬ )

**Best King Ever:** nooooooooooo not you too kid

**T. Bur:** We should probably head out, too, I got work to do, and I _know_ you have paperwork to file. 

**Best King Ever:** .

**Best King Ever:** i have decided no

**T. Bur:** ........

**Best King Ever:** .....bur?

**Best King Ever:** bur you good?

**Best King Ever:** ...why do i hear a motoRTYFHJKULLJLK

**some guy:** ..

**some guy:** oh my god stitches is dead

**some guy:** f in the chat

**some guy:** f

**Frankie:** F

**some guy:** frankie!!! frankie you should change your nickname too!!

**some guy:** join the funny nickname squad.

**some guy:** join us join us join us join us

**Frankie:** Heh

**Frankie:** Alright.

**_Frankie_ ** _changed their name to_ **_still alive_ **

**still alive:** How’s this?

**some guy:** YEAAAAA!!

**some guy:** oh dang it’s been over an hour since we joined i should get some food

**still alive:** do that!!! don’t forget water too. 

**some guy:** got it!

* * *

  
  
  


_[9:47 PM]_

**Moth Queen:** Hm? What’s this?

**timothy:** ooooooooo!!!!!!! :0

**T. Bur:** Ah! Yes, this is a communication server,, it’s so we can talk to each other when since we’re normally so far away.,

**T. Bur:** Or, that’s what it’s _supposed_ to be, at least. 

**some guy:** hiiii!!!!! 

**timothy:** hiii!!!! :DD

**Moth Queen:** Who is this?

**some guy:** oh! it’s me!! hero!

**Moth Queen:** Oh, hello Hero. 

**Moth Queen:** Who is here, exactly? 

**T. Bur:** Well, Hero is here, for one. So is MK and Cereza, and Ellie. Bella and Handy are here, too, and Stitches. Frankie, my assistant, is here. And El Salserissimo is here, too, but he hasn’t spoken yet. 

**El Salserissimo:** ..?

**T. Bur:** Oh! Hello, Salserissimo. 

**Moth Queen:** Hello, Don. 

**timothy:** hiiya lizzy!! :D

**some guy:** hey uncle sal!

**El Salserissimo:** Ah! Hola, amigos! 

**Your Local Baby:** uncle sal!!! aunt queen!!!! uncle tims!! hiiiiiiiii~~!!! ヾ(☆▽☆)

**El Salserissimo:** Mascarita?

**Your Local Baby:** yeye!! (((o(*°▽°*)o)))

**El Salserissimo:** Hola pequeño!

**_Your Local Baby_ ** _changed_ **_El Salserissimo_ ** _’s name to_ **_Tío Lagartija_ **

**Tío Lagartija:** !!! 

**Tío Lagartija:** Aww, pequeño! 

**Your Local Baby:** (･ω<)☆

**timothy:** :OOOO!!!

**timothy:** can we get a cool name too!!!

**Your Local Baby:** yeyeyee! lemme think (¯ ¯٥)

**_Your Local Baby_ ** _changed_ **_timothy_ ** _’s name to_ **_timothy and the tims_ **

**timothy and the tims:** :DDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!

**timothy and the tims:** it’s perfect!

**Your Local Baby:** ( ^ ω ^)

**_Your Local Baby_ ** _changed_ **_Moth Queen_ ** _’s name to_ **_Floof Queen_ **

**Floof Queen:** Oh?

**Your Local Baby:** don’t think i forgot about you!! (＾▽＾)

**Your Local Child:** you’re very floofy (￣ω￣)

**Floof Queen:** Thank you, child. 

**Floof Queen:** Now, shouldn’t you head off to bed? It’s quite late. 

**Your Local Child:** it’s not that lat

**You Local Child:** oh

**Your Local Child:** when did it become ten 

**Tío Lagartija:** Pequeño? 

**Your Local Child:** um

**You Local Child:** don’t tell boss i was up late

**T. Bur:** Don’t tell Boss what now?

**Your Local Child:** .

**Your Local Child:** SCATTER

**T. Bur:** Heh. 

**T. Bur:** I’ll make sure the kid actually gets to bed, see you guys later. 

**Tío Lagartija:** Buenas noches!

**Floof Queen:** Goodnight. 

**timothy and the tims:** night!!!!!! ^v^

* * *

  
  
  


_[3:08 AM]_

**haha old:** Someone please tell me how to change my name

**haha old:** I can’t live like this

**Princess of Sass:** You’re not alive. 

**haha old:** ..


	2. beach day and other shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **T. Bur:** Sir, you can’t just decide today’s “beach day.” We need to plan in advance. 
> 
> **Best King Ever:** too late i already cleared your schedule
> 
> **T. Bur:** ...You mean _your_ schedule?
> 
> **Best King Ever:** nope i mean yours now you have to come with us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your Local Baby — Masked Kid  
> Queen O’ Sass — Elizabeth  
> Best King Ever — Mr. Stitches  
> T. Bur — T. Bur  
> Floof Queen — Moth Queen  
> timothy and the tims — Timothy  
> haha old — Baron von Gregory  
> Tío Lagartija — El Salserissimo  
> Princess of Sass — Cereza  
> some guy — Hero  
> still alive — Frankie

_**[Sir Stitches Super Sidekicks]** _

_[8:27 AM]_

**Best King Ever:** kid what were you doing up at 3 am

**Best King Ever:** surely that meeting didn’t take you that long

**Princess of Sass** **:** So you ask me what i was doing, but not Greg?

**Best King Ever:** greg is an adult who makes his own decisions

**Best King Ever:** also he’s a ghost

**Best King Ever:** i don’t know if ghosts sleep

**Best King Ever:** .....do ghosts sleep...?

**Best King Ever:** wait you’re avoiding the question

**Princess of Sass:** I had more stuff to do after it. 

**Best King Ever:** royal stuff?

**Princess of Sass:** Royal stuff.

**Princess of Sass:** Parents don’t know about me being friends with you guys so I can’t exactly say anything without it going into stuff I Do Not want it to. 

**Best King Ever:** wait really? it’s been like 6 months since we met, i think it’ll be pretty chill

**Princess of Sass:** You kidnapped me.

**Best King Ever:** details, details

**Princess of Sass:** Gods, I’m so tired, those meetings took a lot out of me.

**Best King Ever:** being up at 3 am prolly didn’t help that

**Princess of Sass:** Shut. 

**Best King Ever:** >:3c

**Princess of Sass:** Oh Gods

**Princess of Sass:** Don’t do that again.

**Best King Ever:** hey you know what we should do

**Princess of Sass:** No but you’ll tell me anyways

**Best King Ever:** you’re right

**Best King Ever:** we should have a beach day today

**Princess of Sass:** A what

**Beat King Ever:** .

**Best King Ever:** don’t tell me you don’t know what a beach day is

  
  
**Princess of** **Sass:** Nono I know what that is

**Princess of Sass:** That’s just not what I expected you to say.

**Princess of Sass:** This will not help with me being tired

**Best King Ever:** yeah but you need a break

**Best King Ever:** so

**Best King Ever:** beach day? 

**Princess of Sass:** Stitches I have stuff to do today.

**Best King Ever:** the kid will be happy

**Princess of Sass:** ..

**Princess of Sass:** ..Let me see if I can clear my schedule. 

**Best King Ever:** HELL YEAH BEACH DAY

**Best King Ever:** _@everyone_

**Floof Queen:** Stitches, What is the meaning of this?? 

**haha old:** ??

**Tío Lagartija:** Qué?

**Your Local Baby:** (°〇°) ?

**Queen O’ Sass:** it’s too earlyyyyyyyy

**Best King** **Ever:** it’s only 9

**Queen O’ Sass:** hissssssssssss

**Your Local Baby:** ellie: (=^‥^=)

**Queen O’ Sass:** ... 

**Best King Ever:** OOOHHHHHHH

**Best King Ever:** kid _owned_ you

**Queen O’ Sass:** tell me why you pinged us or i’m leaving 

**Your Local Baby:** (｡•́︿•̀｡)

**Queen O’ Sass:** tell me why you pinged us or the kid will be sad

**Your Local Baby:** (｡•‿•｡) 

**Best King Ever:** beach day

**Queen O’ Sass:** beach day?

**Best King Ever:** beach day

**Your Local Baby:** beach day? (☆ω☆)

**Princess of** **Sass:** Beach Day

**some guy:** WOOOOOOOO!!!!!! BEACH DAY!!!!!!!

**T. Bur:** Sir, you can’t just decide today’s “beach day.” We need to plan in advance. 

**Best King** **Ever:** too late i already cleared your schedule

**T. Bur:** ...You mean _your_ schedule?

**Best King Ever:** nope i mean yours now you have to come with us

**T. Bur:** ...

**T. Bur:** Fine.

**Best King Ever:** heck yeah

**T. Bur:** Give us at least an hour to prepare.

**Best King Ever:** yea yea w/e who’s in

**Your Local Baby:** ヾ(*'▽'*)

**Queen Of Sass:** eh, why not

**some guy:** i’ll have to talk to bachi about me taking the day off but otherwise YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

**Princess of Sass:** I’m sure you know what I’m gonna say.

**haha old:** Bella and Handy say they’ll join you, and are planning to drag me there if I don’t agree.

**Tío Lagartija:** I am presuming that it’ll take place on Pica Pica’s beach, so I’ll have to be there. 

**Best King Ever:** i mean idk of any other beaches around here 

**Floof Queen:** I talked to Timothy, and agreed we’re both going. 

**still alive:** I’ll join, too! Could use a break. 

**Queen O’ Sass:** wait who’s that

**some guy:** frankie!!!

**Queen O’ Sass:** oh cool

**Your Local Baby:** the whole gangs here!!!!!! \\(≧▽≦)/

**some guy:** heck yeah!!!!!!!!!! 

**T. Bur:** Well if this is gonna happen, we should stop talking and start getting ready. 

**some guy:** oh yeah

* * *

_[10:00 AM]_

**Best King** **Ever:** _@everyone_

**T. Bur:** Sir please stop abusing the pinging system.

**Best King Ever:** make me

**Best King Ever:** anyway _BEACH TIME_

**Queen O’ Sass:** it JUST turned 10 how

**Best King Ever:** ;3

**Queen O’ Sass:** ew

**Princess of Sass:** I command you to stop that.

**Best King Ever:** i said it before and i’ll say it again

**Best King Ever:** make me

_**Your Local Baby** kicked **Best King Ever** _

**T. Bur:** _What_

**T. Bur:** _You’re not a mod **HOW**_

**Your Local Baby:** (^ω~)

**Queen O’ Sass:** they do what they want

**Queen O’ Sass:** they baby

_**stitches** joined the server_

**_stitches_ ** _changed their name to **Best King Ever**_

**Best King Ever:** **_how_**

**Your Local Baby:** ☆⌒(≧▽ ° )

**Best King Ever:** i’d probably be more concerned if we weren’t about to have a beach day

**Best King Ever:** ANYWAY

**Best King Ever:** TIME FOR BEACH DAY EVERYBODY READY

**T. Bur:** Against my will, I am ready.

**Queen O’ Sass:** me and the kid are good to go

**Princess of Sass:** I have successfully cleared my schedule and ready to sneak out

**Best King Ever:** still feeling tired?

**Princess of Sass:** Nope! Took a nap after getting ready. 

**Best King Ever:** good, good

**Queen O’ Sass:** stitches dad moments

**Best King Ever:** shut

**timothy and the tims:** me and alex are ready!!!!!!! :D

**some** **guy:** hii tim!!!!!!

**timothy and the tims:** hiiii hero!!!!!!!!!! :DD

**some guy:** i’m also ready!!!! 

**Tío Lagartija:** Si, the beach is ready!

**Best King Ever:** aight lets get this party started!

**Best King Ever:** and by that i mean we all individually get there

**Your Local Baby:** (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b 

* * *

_[11:27 AM]  
_

_**Puzzleman** joined the server_

**Puzzleman:** AHAHAHAHAHAA

**Puzzleman:** WHAT’S UP LOSERS

**Puzzleman:** TIME TO HACK YOUR SERVER

* * *

**Puzzleman:** .....

**Puzzleman:** .........Hello..?

* * *

_[12:03 PM]_

**Puzzleman:** HELLO?????????????????  
  


* * *

**Puzzleman** : Is this the right server??????????  
  


**Puzzleman:** ....Yeah, yeah it is..

* * *

**Puzzleman:** ANYBODY THERE?????!?!?!?

* * *

_[2:32]  
  
_

_**Best King Ever** changed **T. Bur** name to **Aaron T. Burr**_

**Puzzleman:** PERSON!!!!?!!  
  


**Puzzleman:** HELLO I AM HERE TO HADK YOUR SERVER

**Puzzleman:** HADK

**Puzzleman:** HACK

* * *

**Puzzleman:** .........

**Puzzleman:** damnit.

* * *

_[3:14 PM]_

**Puzzleman:** _why aren’t they back yet?!?????!??!_

* * *

_[4:58 PM]_

**Puzzleman:** pspsppsppsspspsppspsppspssps

**Puzzleman:** ............

**Puzzleman:** i don’t know why i thought that would work

* * *

_[7:21 PM]_

**Puzzleman:** helloooooooooooooooo????

* * *

_[10:48 PM]_

**Puzzleman** **:** That’s it i give up

**Puzzleman:** I’m leaving

**Princess of Sass:** ??????????

_**Puzzleman** left the server_

_**Puzzleman** joined the server_

**Puzzleman:** _EJKSKSFJKDFKEJD **PERSONDJ**_

**Princess of Sass:** What the FUCK are _you_ doing here???? _  
_

**Puzzleman:** HOLD ON lemme get my script

**Princess of Sass:** ???????????? 

**Puzzleman:** where is it where is it

**Puzzleman:** shit i can’t find it

**Princess of Sass:** Forget the script and tell me what you’re doing here

**Puzzleman:** UHHHHHHHH

**Puzzleman:** I am here to hack your server 

**Princess of Sass:** Okay..

**Princess of Sass:** Then what? ****

**Puzzleman:** ....what do you mean?

**Princess of Sass:** You hack the server. 

**Princess of Sass:** Then what. 

**Puzzleman:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Princess of Sass:** Oh Gods please don’t tell me that’s all you had planned

**Puzzleman:** NONO I’m sure there’s more

**Puzzleman:** if i could just find my DAMN SCRIPT

**Princess of Sass:** WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED A SCRIPT?!?!??!

**Puzzleman:** I DON’T KNOW THEY JUST MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

**Puzzleman:** WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW

**Princess of Sass:** ??? Make something up I guess???????

**Princess of Sass:** Or leave. Leaving is preferable. 

**Puzzleman:** I’ll think about it

**Puzzleman:** No

**Princess of Sass:** Worth a shot

**Puzzleman:** Okay let’s see

**Puzzleman:** Uhh.. If you can answer me, these riddles three,, 

**Puzzleman:** I will leave the server

**Princess of Sass:** Why riddles.

**Puzzleman:** well i can’t exactly give you a puzzle now can i

**Princess of Sass:** .....

**Primcess of Sass:** deal

**Puzzleman:** Alright, let’s see...

**Puzzleman:** I am lighter than air, but a hundred people cannot lift me. Careful, I am fragile. What am I?

**Princess of Sass:** Hm....

**Princess of Sass:** Lighter than air...... but can’t be lifted....... fragile........

**Princess of Sass:** Is it a bubble?

**Puzzleman:** I don’t know. Is it?

**Princess of Sass:** I will leave.

**Puzzleman:** _OKOKOKOK YOU’RE RIGHT_

**Puzzleman:** Jeez.

**Puzzleman:** Okay, next one. 

**Puzzleman:** What part of the Turkey has the most feathers?

**Princess of Sass:** ....this is stupid

**Princess of Sass:** The last one was harder than this.

**Puzzleman:** Is it? Or are you jumping to conclusions?

**Princess of Sass:** The answer is the outside

**Puzzleman:** .......

**Puzzleman:** Okay final one

**Puzzleman:** With pointed fangs I sit and wait. With piercing force I crunch out fate, grabbing victims, proclaiming might, physically joining with a single bite. What am I?

**Princess of Sass:** .....

**Princess of Sass:** what

**Puzzleman:** Stumped? 

**Princess of Sass:** No I’m just frightened on the word choice of that question

**Princess of Sass:** Hm...... gotta be an animal......

**Puzzleman:** Mhmm. 

**Princess of Sass:** My first thought would be a snapping turtle, but they don’t have fangs.... 

**Puzzleman:** ......implying that they hunt down and kill victims like this

**Princess of Sass:** You don’t know otherwise, do you?

**Puzzleman:** Touché. 

**Princess of Sass:** Hmm.... On second thought, maybe it’s not an animal? 

**Puzzleman:** Oh?

**Princess of Sass:** “with pointed fangs, i sit and wait. with piercing force i crunch out fate.”

**Princess of Sass:** Is it a bear trap?

**Puzzleman:** Is that your final answer?

**Princess of Sass:** Ooo.. making me second guess myself... good job. 

**Puzzleman:** Thanks

**Princess of Sass:** Hm.... is it humans? humans can be cruel creatures

**Puzzleman:** I-

**Puzzleman:** Well you’re not _wrong_. ****

**Princess of Sass:** Okay, not humans. 

**Princess of Sass:** ..OH!

**Puzzleman:** Oh??

**Princess of Sass:** It’s the education system

**Puzzleman:** Oh?

**Princess of Sass:** I’m not backing down it’s the education system. 

**Puzzleman:** Your final answer, then? 

**Princess of Sass:** Yep ****

**Puzzleman:** Wrong

**Princess of Sass:** dang

**Puzzleman:** It was a stapler

**Princess of Sass:** what

**Puzzleman:** A stapler

**Princess of Sass:** ......

**Puzzleman:** Welp, guess you fail then, time to wreck the server

**Princess of Sass:** Wait

**Puzzleman:** Hm?

**Princess of Sass:** You didn’t say

**Princess of Sass:** I had to get them right

**Puzzleman:** ...what?

**Princess of Sass:** You never said i had get the answers correct

**Princess of Sass:** Just that i had to answer them

**Puzzleman:** I...It was implied?

**Princess of Sass:** We agreed that all i had to do was answer your riddles. You said, and i quote, “If you can answer me, these riddles three, I’ll leave the server.” No where does it say i had to get it right. 

**Princess of Sass:** How was I supposed to know you wanted me to get them right?

**Puzzleman:** ....

**Puzzleman:** You know what. 

**Puzzleman:** A compromise.

**Puzzleman:** I do nothing until next morning, and Then i start causing havoc. 

**Puzzleman:** Because my brain is too tired to do anything else right now. 

**Princess of Sass:** First off: didn’t even know you had a brain

**Puzzleman:** figure of speech

**Princess of Sass:** Second is off: I am also too tired to argue. 

**Puzzleman:** Cool

**Princess of Sass:** Cool. 

**Puzzleman:** ...Later. 

* * *

_[3:25 AM]_

**haha old:** What did I just read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _it’s like almost 11 pm rn so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯_
> 
> _also no i have no idea what i’m doing i’m making it up as i go thanks for asking_

**Author's Note:**

> _check out my tumblr @zecoritheweirdone_


End file.
